many emotions...venting

I met this guy 3 years ago but we began dating around the 4th of July. We started out be really really good friends. I believe we sometimes see someone and want there to be a connection so badly that we sort of make it happen but tell ourselves it was natural. This guy (we'll call him Tom)is a bit older than me and wasn't my ideal kind of guy at first but he became my total buddy. Our relationship was based on trust and respect and on a smaller level still is. Though at the begining I did notice that he only had one friend (besides me)that consisted of 95% of his social life and it had probably been that way for a while. In the back of my mind I kept wondering if the way he at times seemed to be...I guess obsessed it to strong of a word but I would wonder if I was mostly a ticket out of his loneliness but how could I find that out for sure? Anyways about 2 months later he became more comfortable in letting his temper tantrums/way to gain control show. When he would do something I disagreed with and I would say it would try to always get really mad at any tiny thing I disagreed with and try to intimidate me into biting my tongue when I felt he wasn't treating me right or I disagreed. He does this every time we are together. Sometimes he'll drag it out but it seems when he has something to gain than he cuts it short.Though he shows that he has a lot of love for me. I know your probably thinking yeah you just want to believe that but I could tell that he wasn't faking how strongly he felt towards me by the people closest to him. If he really cherishes me why the tantrums that pulls us apart? How can someone do both to someone? Is it b/c he knows I'll keep coming back? Which I think is a strong possibility but if that is the case I still don't get it. I was curious what other people thought about the situation.

A Love Problem

I have a problem that most people have experienced at least once in their lives. It’s a bit of a cliché but I’m in love with someone I can’t be with.

It’s a pretty hideous situation; he’s 12 years older than me (I’m 18), a teacher at my friend’s college and is in a steady relationship with a really sweet woman that I know he loves a lot. I have accepted that we’ll never be together; more than anything I would not want to be responsible for breaking him up from his girlfriend since I know they are really happy together and if I was her I would be gutted if some kid came and stole him from me.

The problem is that (and I know this is a terrible cliché) I actually believe he might be my soulmate. He’s not my teacher but he volunteers at a local theatre (which is where I know him from) and from the very first moment I saw him, something just clicked. He’s the perfect person, so kind and sweet, not to mention totally fucking gorgeous and everytime I see him my heart jumps. I never feel as good as I do when I’m with him and I get physical pain whenever we say goodbye.

He has no idea that I am in love with him and I don’t want to do anything to compromise his relationship with his girlfriend. I’m not a homewrecker and I couldn’t do that but I have no idea how to move on from him and find someone else. Everyone keeps telling me to just get a boyfriend to distract me from him or stop seeing him. Both are impossible; I’d have to move away to stop seeing him (which isn’t feasible) and I’m just not attracted to anyone else. In fact, I’m not even interested in anyone else. The rest of the world seems unimportant compared to him.

I really hate feeling this way and I wish I could get over him and move on.  It’s ruining my life and stopping me from doing things because I am so hung up on him all the time. His girlfriend is the luckiest woman in the world. L

Any advice is appreciated.

X-posted because I need all the help I can get...


UPDATE: How To Get Her Back

I guess I should let you all know. I actually wound up going against the tide and I went over to her place Monday. I still played it off like it didn't bother me that much, and we had a long talk and decided to get back together, but first we are taking a break to work on our selves. Directly after the convo, we kissed for a while, and heald each other and it was sweet but a tad confusing.

She says thats what she always intended. She said she just knew we couldn't continue dating with things going the way they were, she kept remembering how things were when first started and figured we could work on getting back there after pinpointing what changed.

We agreed, we let our mutual insecurities get the best of us. We only were jealous because we viewed everyone as a threat and didn't think we deserved each other. The space and time apart will allow us to both work on it, without having to deal with the other person as a distraction directly.

I dunno. Some of what she said contradicted things she said on the night of the break up.

She sent me a text the next day saying how much she missed me and then posted on my facebook wall about distance making her heart grow fonder. I fully agreed and pretty much thats where we stand. It feels weird because it's like I'm single except I'm not because I'm not looking for anyone else....which is what she said to me last night.

i wrote this for closure...

nostalgia & regret, tinged with bitternessCollapse )

i've been crying nonstop for the past 3 days. we were on-off unofficially together for almost a year, and during that year he made me happier than i've ever been, but also disappointed me and let me down more than i thought imaginable. he finally officially ended it, saying i shouldn't see him or come over anymore, and that maybe we can still have lunch once in awhile and stay friends. i'm trying really hard because he was a good friend before, but i don't think i'll be able to face him for awhile....

How To Get Her back

So last night my girlfriend and I broke up. I was upset, trying to use logic to win her back but when that didn't work, I let a few hours go by and then I acted cool with it...telling her how i understood where she was cause I had been there with other Ex's(on the reverse end)...and I knew what she dumped me for wasn't who I am.....which threw her off...because I know she expected me to be devistated but in my experience this never works with women. They just register begging, crying and pleading as pathetic.

We've had small problems for a while now, mainly because we've both been increasingly very open about our jelousy. I wasn't orginally like this and thus I think the break will be good for us both to get to better places and control BUT I would like to still have a shot with her.

I want to maintain a freindship that will eventually lead us back to dating. Does anyone have any advice ?

She SAYS she wants space, time to figure out what she wants, and has not ruled out getting back together..(she normally rules this out with other guys)..I know this has come about because of my freaking out any time she hangs out with another guy alone.. (which this time around, it was her ex that had taken her virginity and vice I was with good reason peaved...)But I went overboard this time, leading to our doom.

(which i note, she does the same to me But I don't really get upset like she does being usually the more rational of us two)

I know had I not done this we'd still be together, I'd just have less of a reason to work on things and get back to my mellow.."have fun, I trust you" self from our first 3 months of dating...

can you give me advice .. Like what to do and not to do. I'm giving her the space, but I'm not giving it to her to the point that I avoid her, I'm being calm while still showing I still Love her, but i don't know what else I should do.

(no subject)

So...I've been feeling really confused about myself lately.  For all my life I've only ever liked guys.  But ever since watching Tila Tequila, (gaining an obvious attraction for Dani), I realized this isn't the only time I have been attracted to another female.  I just wanna know if this is normal for straight girls, or if this means that I may be bi.  PLEASE post back to me if you have personal experience with this.  But any help is much appreciated.