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The Advice Bitch- Helping People Since 2002

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To date, or not to date advice? [23 Mar 2011|02:41am]

First post here, sorry for any stupidity.

So I made two new friends in an online game recently. The first was a girl much younger than me, but who I like hanging out with and see as something of a kid sister. The second is a guy about my age.

And you KNOW from that start, I develop feelings for himCollapse )
help me!

profile [18 Nov 2010|12:21am]

HEY!! thought you will like to know that Candi_Cruz its now live on dirtystage watch it now.. don miss it!

Boys Boys Boys [07 Oct 2008|11:29am]

help me!

many emotions...venting [02 Oct 2008|06:49pm]

I met this guy 3 years ago but we began dating around the 4th of July. We started out be really really good friends. I believe we sometimes see someone and want there to be a connection so badly that we sort of make it happen but tell ourselves it was natural. This guy (we'll call him Tom)is a bit older than me and wasn't my ideal kind of guy at first but he became my total buddy. Our relationship was based on trust and respect and on a smaller level still is. Though at the begining I did notice that he only had one friend (besides me)that consisted of 95% of his social life and it had probably been that way for a while. In the back of my mind I kept wondering if the way he at times seemed to be...I guess obsessed it to strong of a word but I would wonder if I was mostly a ticket out of his loneliness but how could I find that out for sure? Anyways about 2 months later he became more comfortable in letting his temper tantrums/way to gain control show. When he would do something I disagreed with and I would say it would try to always get really mad at any tiny thing I disagreed with and try to intimidate me into biting my tongue when I felt he wasn't treating me right or I disagreed. He does this every time we are together. Sometimes he'll drag it out but it seems when he has something to gain than he cuts it short.Though he shows that he has a lot of love for me. I know your probably thinking yeah you just want to believe that but I could tell that he wasn't faking how strongly he felt towards me by the people closest to him. If he really cherishes me why the tantrums that pulls us apart? How can someone do both to someone? Is it b/c he knows I'll keep coming back? Which I think is a strong possibility but if that is the case I still don't get it. I was curious what other people thought about the situation.
help me!

[20 Apr 2008|06:39pm]

i dont have a lot of money (but am willing to pay ~$120 total) for gifts for 20 girls in my sorority. what should i get??
i NEVER know what to get for girls!!!!!
help me!

A Love Problem [27 Mar 2008|06:16pm]


I have a problem that most people have experienced at least once in their lives. It’s a bit of a cliché but I’m in love with someone I can’t be with.

It’s a pretty hideous situation; he’s 12 years older than me (I’m 18), a teacher at my friend’s college and is in a steady relationship with a really sweet woman that I know he loves a lot. I have accepted that we’ll never be together; more than anything I would not want to be responsible for breaking him up from his girlfriend since I know they are really happy together and if I was her I would be gutted if some kid came and stole him from me.

The problem is that (and I know this is a terrible cliché) I actually believe he might be my soulmate. He’s not my teacher but he volunteers at a local theatre (which is where I know him from) and from the very first moment I saw him, something just clicked. He’s the perfect person, so kind and sweet, not to mention totally fucking gorgeous and everytime I see him my heart jumps. I never feel as good as I do when I’m with him and I get physical pain whenever we say goodbye.

He has no idea that I am in love with him and I don’t want to do anything to compromise his relationship with his girlfriend. I’m not a homewrecker and I couldn’t do that but I have no idea how to move on from him and find someone else. Everyone keeps telling me to just get a boyfriend to distract me from him or stop seeing him. Both are impossible; I’d have to move away to stop seeing him (which isn’t feasible) and I’m just not attracted to anyone else. In fact, I’m not even interested in anyone else. The rest of the world seems unimportant compared to him.

I really hate feeling this way and I wish I could get over him and move on.  It’s ruining my life and stopping me from doing things because I am so hung up on him all the time. His girlfriend is the luckiest woman in the world. L

Any advice is appreciated.

X-posted because I need all the help I can get...

1 know| help me!

UPDATE: How To Get Her Back [27 Mar 2008|05:56am]

I guess I should let you all know. I actually wound up going against the tide and I went over to her place Monday. I still played it off like it didn't bother me that much, and we had a long talk and decided to get back together, but first we are taking a break to work on our selves. Directly after the convo, we kissed for a while, and heald each other and it was sweet but a tad confusing.

She says thats what she always intended. She said she just knew we couldn't continue dating with things going the way they were, she kept remembering how things were when first started and figured we could work on getting back there after pinpointing what changed.

We agreed, we let our mutual insecurities get the best of us. We only were jealous because we viewed everyone as a threat and didn't think we deserved each other. The space and time apart will allow us to both work on it, without having to deal with the other person as a distraction directly.

I dunno. Some of what she said contradicted things she said on the night of the break up.

She sent me a text the next day saying how much she missed me and then posted on my facebook wall about distance making her heart grow fonder. I fully agreed and pretty much thats where we stand. It feels weird because it's like I'm single except I'm not because I'm not looking for anyone else....which is what she said to me last night.
help me!

i wrote this for closure... [24 Mar 2008|02:21pm]
nostalgia & regret, tinged with bitternessCollapse )

i've been crying nonstop for the past 3 days. we were on-off unofficially together for almost a year, and during that year he made me happier than i've ever been, but also disappointed me and let me down more than i thought imaginable. he finally officially ended it, saying i shouldn't see him or come over anymore, and that maybe we can still have lunch once in awhile and stay friends. i'm trying really hard because he was a good friend before, but i don't think i'll be able to face him for awhile....
help me!

How To Get Her back [24 Mar 2008|06:52am]

So last night my girlfriend and I broke up. I was upset, trying to use logic to win her back but when that didn't work, I let a few hours go by and then I acted cool with it...telling her how i understood where she was cause I had been there with other Ex's(on the reverse end)...and I knew what she dumped me for wasn't who I am.....which threw her off...because I know she expected me to be devistated but in my experience this never works with women. They just register begging, crying and pleading as pathetic.

We've had small problems for a while now, mainly because we've both been increasingly very open about our jelousy. I wasn't orginally like this and thus I think the break will be good for us both to get to better places and control BUT I would like to still have a shot with her.

I want to maintain a freindship that will eventually lead us back to dating. Does anyone have any advice ?

She SAYS she wants space, time to figure out what she wants, and has not ruled out getting back together..(she normally rules this out with other guys)..I know this has come about because of my freaking out any time she hangs out with another guy alone.. (which this time around, it was her ex that had taken her virginity and vice versa..so I was with good reason peaved...)But I went overboard this time, leading to our doom.

(which i note, she does the same to me But I don't really get upset like she does being usually the more rational of us two)

I know had I not done this we'd still be together, I'd just have less of a reason to work on things and get back to my mellow.."have fun, I trust you" self from our first 3 months of dating...

can you give me advice .. Like what to do and not to do. I'm giving her the space, but I'm not giving it to her to the point that I avoid her, I'm being calm while still showing I still Love her, but i don't know what else I should do.
1 know| help me!

[10 Jan 2008|02:54am]

So...I've been feeling really confused about myself lately.  For all my life I've only ever liked guys.  But ever since watching Tila Tequila, (gaining an obvious attraction for Dani), I realized this isn't the only time I have been attracted to another female.  I just wanna know if this is normal for straight girls, or if this means that I may be bi.  PLEASE post back to me if you have personal experience with this.  But any help is much appreciated. 
1 know| help me!

[26 Sep 2007|02:07pm]

i hope that high school drama doesn't annoy anyone here too badly, cuz I need some help. So, homecoming is this weekend, and me and 6 of my friends are going to IHOP afterward. There is this one girl, I shall call her Tinkerbell (you'd know why if you'd meet her), and she is kinda in our little circle. And really, she's only there because she inserted herself there (which I know, is mean to say). But none of us really want her at IHOP, and she basically invited herself, and no one will tell her that she's not wanted. So she's coming after the dance up to the IHOP (with her parents, since they won't let her make the drive alone). But now, everyone is saying that we are going to a different IHOP than the one that Tinkerbell is, I guess, assuming that we're going to. I keep telling everyone not to lie to her, since some people wanted to deliberately tell her a different location. But I still feel bad, because, first of all it seems just way too bitchy, and second of all as far as I know, we are her only friends, which i think is why none of us will tell her the truth. Anyway, please help!
help me!

Lying "friend". [04 Sep 2007|09:01pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

I have this "friend" who is a compulsive liar and it's pissing me off! A couple years ago we planned on going to a concert together. The last minute she said she was sick and wasn't going. I saw her at the concert that night. I called her when I got home and asked how her night was and if she was feeling any better (just to see what she would say). She said she still wasn't feeling well and she slept all night. I called her out on her lie and she made all kinds of excuses that I don't remember. I forgave her and we moved on.

I moved to Washington from my home state of Idaho 4 months ago to be with the man I love. This "friend" again has lied to me and she doesn't know I know. She flew to Washington to visit her boyfriend. I picked her up from the airport. We went to lake Washington where she dropped her phone in the water and had to buy a new one. We made plans to hang out two days from then. I dropped her off with her boyfriend and went back home and to work the next day. So the day came when we made the plans to hangs out. I call and call, leave voice mails and text messages. No answer, no reply. I was mad. 3 weeks later she leaves me a voice mail to call her. I call and no answer so I wait for her to call back. She called yesterday with a voice mail. In the voice mail she proceeds to tell me she lost her new cell phone after buying the new one. She also said she has a cell phone but it doesn't work so I need to call her back on her home phone. I knew she was lying. I called my 14 year old sister and told her the story. I ask her to get mom's cell phone and call this friend of mine to see if she answers. She answers and my sister hangs up. My friend calls my mom's cell phone back to see who it was but my sister said she dialed the wrong number.

I hate liars! Her phone works just fine. Why would she need to lie to me? I have not called her back. I don't know what to do. I want to tell her to go to hell. Any advice?

Thanks in advance.

2 know| help me!

[04 Sep 2007|10:31pm]

okay, well i have been best friends with this guy for almost 4 years now. we know everything about eachother, we've hung out alone, and we can basically read eachother's minds. he just recently went to college and that was really hard for me. but i think it was even harder just because i had feelings for him but i just never said them. i have this complex.. that whenever i like a guy and he returns his feelings for me... i close up and i get scared. but anyway..this weekend he came back from college and we went to a party together...i realized that he was acting a little different and later that night he was holding my hand and being very flirty..i didnt think anything of it because i just thought he was drunk, and in the beginning of the year he heard that i might have feelings for him and he told me.. we would always just be friends. but the next day after the party, he said im sorry if i made you feel weird last night and i was like oh you didnt. so he wanted to go to a movie with me that night.. so he picked me up and we saw a movie.. but he didnt make a move at all. so i thought oh it must have just been a drunk thing.. but later that night i asked him.. and he actually told me that he has had feelings for me for a while..but just didnt want to say anything because there was this one kid who liked me and totally creeped me out and he didnt want to be like that. so of course i told him i had feelings for him also.. it was just such a relief. but he told me we would talk about this later and i have talked to him today and he hasnt brought it up so idk what to think. i dont know if i should date him.. i mean he's in college and he's my best friend. it could be a recipe for disaster. but before he told me he had these feelings i wanted nothing more than to date him, but now that he did i feel like im closing myself up. and since i know him so well... with past girls he always finds something wrong with a girl and then makes it into a bigger deal and then dumps them. i dont want that to happen to me. what do you think? if he wants to start dating should i start dating him? im just so confused...but now three days have passed and the night he told me we had feelings for me... he said we would talk about it later because he had to go... well he hasn't brought it up..and i dont know why. do you think i should bring it up? ... i know this is my babbling.. i just dont know what to do. 
1 know| help me!

Meep [22 Aug 2007|10:18am]

I admit it. I'm a sucker for love. A pretty face and a nice butt. I am also a sucker for a goofy personality and a caring heart. I'm a bigger sucker for someone seeking God with a realistic point of view.

With all that said I'm prolly going to be single forever. It's hard to find someone out here thats exactly what you want physically and mentally and spiritually. The last one makes things even harder because the more I've dated I've found that Christians that stick to there guns are thinning out. Heck I almost messed up a few times. I need someone that can support me in that and it's looking bleak.

If I settle... I'll be swim'n in women. Because I have no problem, meeting or dating women..It's just the right ones. It seems If I try too hard (or at all) I scare the ones that actually fit what I want away. Whats a celibate (until marriage), 22 year old, single, friendly, dorky, slightly off beat (eccentric), male to do to find his female counter part ?
help me!

AM I WRONG [12 Jul 2007|08:52pm]

Is it wrong for a male to be friends with girls, even if that male is dating someone ? I know the question sound basic but what if those friends were close female friends? Is it wrong then? Is it wrong to make new close friends if your dating someone, even new close friends of the opposite sex?

Heck let's just be honest, AM I wrong for making a new friend and then asking for that friends phone number because as anyone who knows me, I'm not one to connect through small talk? Am I wrong for not being honest about this to my significant other because I know she doesn't agree with me that guys and gals can just be friends without anyone liking each other, and it will thus start a pointless opinion filled fight.

I will answer my own question and say I'm wrong for lying about anything but I didn't feel like I had much of a choice. I just wanted to move past what I considered a juvenile and stupid disagreement of opinion and just be happy.

I am not showing I care if I'm not one to get jealous any more because I trust that my significant other won't do anything behind my back and I don't care what things look like to someone else. Am I wrong for telling her she can hang out with any guy she wants as long as she doesn't do anything to miss use my trust ? Knowing that I TRUST she's not gonna whore it up and that things will only go as far as she let's them..... is it wrong that it bothers me that I'm not awarded the same opportunity, when I've done nothing to not deserve it.

Am I wrong in even wanting to be with such a person, whom to me displays several levels of unjustified relationship insecurity. Am I wrong for almost being willing to go against something I've stood against since I conquered my jealousy issues and since I've felt the sting of harmed friendships by people who lower your place in their lives when they get a boyfriend/girlfriend....Am I wrong for doing that because despite major differences, I fear I may very well have been in love.

In love in enough to lie (something I hate) in order to smooth things over so I can experience happiness with this person.. Nothing can justify not being honest to someone .. but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't trying to.

So very sorry I am.. But the question remains, had I said yes..I've been talking to my FRIEND on the phone, would things have ended any differently? I don't think so... but I still want to apologize for not being honest and on that small scale not deserving of your low level of trust.

I talked to my parents and I talked to my friends, two of them married and they don't think I'm wrong except for the fact that I lied...my dad said I shouldn't of had to lie, because that shouldn't be something she should get mad about if she trusts me, my motives and knows i would never cheat, as she stated. Me feeling forced to lie about talking to someone on the phone who is a girl, and a friend but not my girlfriend, no matter when I met her speaks volumes about the person I lied to. My father asked me, would she ever feel like she had to lie to me..and I said only if she did something physical with the person and he asked has she ever...and I said yes but we weren't together... and that was her excuse... but i think after that, we aren't together now or then... and yet my excuse being the same wouldn't hold up.

I'm rambling now.. But What do you think?
1 know| help me!

Is it OK to have female friends? [23 May 2007|11:27am]

A couple in a tempestuous 2-year live-in relationship.

He says:

"I've had female friends ever since I can remember, I just get on better with women. Some of those women talk frankly to me about their sex lives, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's no worse than you'd get in Sex And The City, and there's nothing to worry about. The most salacious gossip was finding out that one of them gave her hairdresser oral sex as a tip, and another one was temporarily involved in a master/slave multiple relationship. As yer do. I raised my eyebrow, asked a few pertinent questions, and moved on.  Besides which, ever since I met you, I haven't really talked to them for a very long time, and certainly nothing like that."
She says:
"I don't trust you. You probably email them all sorts of sordid things all day at work, swapping pictures and who knows what they want from you? It's disgusting, and I have a hard enough time accepting the fact you have female friends, without imagining what you talk about with your disgusting perverted friends."

Para-phrasing, that is.

What do you think?
1 know| help me!

what the hell is wrong with me [11 May 2007|05:35pm]

[ mood | confused ]

Hi all - I've talked this over with some of my friends, and well they really don't have anything left to say to me considering this seems to be a pattern in my life. Basically, I've had a few boyfriends over the past 5 years and I've never really been single. Ridiculous, I know. But now I'm starting to regret that choice and it couldn't be at a worse time - i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he's the one that I've actually got along with the best and the only one where its actually been good for the duration of the relationship. Anyways, now not only am I craving being single, but for lack of a better way to say this - I'm 'craving' this other guy that I work with. I can't seem to get him out of my head - I want him physically and mentally. And now I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I just be happy with the person I am with? Why can't I embrace what I have with him? I use to think he was meant for me for the majority of our relationship, but recently I have not felt that way. Not only am I wondering whats wrong with me, but also what the hell I'm going to do....?

I've always since day one told myself that I really want to give a go - good (try) with my current boyfriend. Because out of everybody he's the one that is really worth it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

1 know| help me!

Look at my Journal It Gets Better! Crazy People! [07 Apr 2007|10:40am]

[ mood | frustrated ]

My Husbands EX

So I have a stalker. It’s weird! It all started when I started dating Joe right after he got out of this bad relationship. The odd thing was this girl left him to go mess around with a married man. Then I guess she decided she wanted him back. She would not leave us alone. We moved and changed everything from our phone numbers to our online accounts. She joined Fotofight right after I did. You can look up the dates yourself. She joined flicker right after I did. The dates don't lie. She joined girls can too right after I did and got banned for harassing me. She joined okcupid right after I did. I just changed my account. I put up my BZOINK account up on Myspace because I and my sister in law wanted to see how long it would take her to get one herself. She had one by that weekend. Go figure! I and my friends have pages of her looking up my MySpace and theirs stemming back from when I and Joe were married back in November. I changed my MySpace and made it private so maybe I could get some peace. We print that crap out to keep just in case. Then she has the right to wonder why I look at her accounts. She follows me! How could I not! I wouldn't worry but Joes says she is crazy in the literal since and was institutionalized until she was 18. I am 5 months pregnant and that is just too scary for me. I got a military protective order yesterday saying she can't come anywhere near me on base or where I work. I also called the police yesterday and filed a report. The police officer said since I was pregnant he was going to issue one for out in town so she can't come near me or where I live. I don't know where she lives and most the harassment now is online so I'm not sure I could even get a restraining order. You might think this is a little excessive and to harsh but honestly, I'm pregnant, frustrated, cranky, and tired. I am just done with all the drama and this situation. Whoever wants to see the dates themselves contact me and I will give you the accounts? I still have the letter from the administrators that informed me that they banned her from girls can too. I'm glad this crap is finally over!

1 know| help me!

Is it right to expect total honesty in a relationship? [07 Mar 2007|10:34am]

Poll #941676 Is it right to expect total honesty in a relationship?

Is it right to expect total honesty in a relationship?


In the midst of all the other relationship hassles I've had recently (she doesn't ever want to meet my sisters, because she thinks they're too snobby and they hate her so she hates them), she asked me if I'd applied for any jobs.

I lied and said I hadn't - mainly because I barely had any details of the job in question, except it seemed nice. Plus, I'm very wary of telling her anything she doesn't want to hear, because she tends to blow up about it. Hell, she blew up for a bit at my last Twitter update, because I hadn't mentioned any previous desire to go see a pop band.

And of course, she went into my email and discovered an email regarding the job in my trash folder.

We've gone beyond ballistic these days - we've just run out of energy in terms of anger.

She wants total honesty from me, but then I'll just tell her that I had an email from female friend (X) and she'll go all quiet or moody or ranty.
help me!

Where are you spending Christmas? [24 Dec 2006|08:40pm]

Poll #894719 Where are you spending Christmas?

Where are you spending Christmas?

With my parents
With my other half's parents
I'm with my parents, the other half is with his/her
All by myself

Who decided on this?

She did - women should always decide
I did
It was a joint decision
We take turns to decide

The latest argument is where to spend Christmas.

As we spent Christmas at her parents' place last year, I thought it was merely polite and "taking turns" for us to spend it at my parents' house.

Nope. According to her:

1. The woman should always decide where to spend Christmas.

2. My entire family are a bunch of bitches and she never really wants to speak to them. Unless of course they build bridges with her - which is news to me, since if anything she needs to build bridges. Oh, and she never wants to leave her children alone with my parents or relations.

3. How dare I even contemplate spending Christmas without her?

Needless to say, I am now at my parents house while she's still fuming at hers. Our presents to each other lie unopened, and probably smashed after a bout of present-throwing on her part.

Now she's suggesting that I drive back to "our" place (90 mins away) Christmas Day night so we can at least spend Christmas evening together. Which would annoy my family somewhat - espeically since we don't see each other very often and my Dad is probably cavorting with his mistress in Shanghai.

ever dealt with intra-family tensions?
help me!

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